“Sex Addiction” Therapy
Why It Feels Like An Addiction But Is Really Something Else
If you are here because you typed “sex addiction therapist” or “porn addiction help” into Google, you are not alone. As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I am trained to help my clients navigate the nuances of human sexuality. To help them break through the shame that sex negativity has fostered in themselves and their relationships. A piece of human sexuality that often gets mislabeled is what happens when it becomes “out-of-control” for an individual. Clients come into my office all the time telling me they’re a “sex addict” or a “porn addict.” They say it like a confession, as if they’ve done something dark and irredeemable. To some, maybe they have. But to most, that isn’t the case. Here’s the thing: “sex addiction” isn’t a real diagnosis. It’s not recognized by the DSM or the ICD, the two manuals that define and classify mental health disorders across the world. What that means is that no governing body in psychology, psychiatry, or medicine has found enough evidence or consensus to support sex addiction as a legitimate mental health condition. It’s a proposed idea, most of the time with good intent, that’s often based more in morality and shame than in neuroscience or psychology.
So What Do I Mean By “Out of Control” Sexual Behavior
When people come to me saying “I am a sex addict,” they are usually describing things like
Staying up late watching porn even when they promised themselves they would stop
Cheating or breaking agreements and then drowning in shame
Hookup patterns that feel compulsive or risky
Hours lost online in chat rooms or apps
Feeling like sex or porn is the only reliable way to cope, numb out, or feel okay
In other words
You keep crossing your own lines
You feel out of alignment with your values
You feel stuck in a loop
That stuck pattern can absolutely feel addictive. The relief you get can feel like a hit. The crash after can feel awful. But instead of assuming “I am a sex addict,” we get curious about what is actually going on underneath.
Why I Do Not Use The “Sex Addict” Label
The term “sex addict” can do more harm than good. Here is why I avoid that label in my work
It often grows out of shame and moral judgment rather than science
It can convince you that your sexual self is dangerous or dirty
It pushes people toward total sexual shutdown instead of healthy sexual integration
It can get used to police normal or diverse sexual interests, kink, or non monogamy
It treats sex like a drug instead of seeing it as a complex human experience that can be both healing and harmful depending on context
You can absolutely struggle with sex. You can absolutely feel out of control. You can absolutely need help. But that does not automatically mean you are “addicted” or that the only path is lifelong recovery from your own sexuality.
Our Approach
In our work together, we are not trying to erase your sexuality. We are trying to help you build a healthy, values aligned relationship with it. My approach is:
Sex positive
We assume pleasure, desire, and sexual expression can be healthy and important. We are not here to punish you for having a sex drive.Curious, not moralizing
Instead of “you are bad for doing this,” we explore
“What does this behavior do for you”
“What pain is it helping you avoid”
“Where did you learn to be this ashamed of your own body and desires”Focused on function, not labels
The core questions are
“Is your sexual behavior working for your life”
“Is it aligned with your values”
“Is it hurting you or others”Inclusive and affirming
Queer, trans, cis, kinky, monogamous, polyamorous, solo, partnered
All of that is welcome in the room. The goal is not to make you “normal.” The goal is to make you more you.
Common Questions About “Sex Addiction” Treatment
Do you believe sex addiction is real
I believe your pain and your struggle are real. I believe your behavior can feel addictive and out of control. If you want to use the label of “sex addict” or “porn addict,” I won’t correct you. I do not find these labels very helpful or accurate. Instead, I talk about out of control sexual behavior and we work to understand and change that in a way that honors your sexuality instead of condemning it.
Are you going to tell me to quit sex and porn forever
No. This is not a moral or abstinence program. We will look honestly at how sex and porn show up in your life. For some people, cutting back or taking a pause helps a lot. For others, we work toward more mindful and intentional use. The plan is individualized, not one size fits all.
What if my partner is calling me a sex addict
I work with both individuals and couples around this. Often the label “sex addict” is carrying a lot of grief and betrayal for the partner who has been hurt. In therapy we can
Give your partner space to express hurt and anger
Understand what your behavior has meant for them
Clarify what “change” actually needs to look like
Build new agreements that are realistic and honest
You do not have to stay stuck with one of you as “the addict” and the other as “the police.”
What if I am into kink or non-monogamy
Kink and non monogamy are not inherently signs of being out of control.
We look at context
Are you being honest with partners
Are there clear agreements
Is anyone being harmed or coerced
Does this behavior line up with your values and your mental health
If your behavior breaks consent or agreements, we address that directly. The focus stays on ethics and impact, not on shaming your interests.
What You Can Expect From Working With My Team
If you come in because you are worried about sex addiction, you can expect
A nonjudgmental space where we can actually talk about what you are doing without panic
A clear, collaborative understanding of your pattern
Practical tools to slow things down and create safety
A deeper look at shame, trauma, anxiety, and relationships that may be feeding the behavior
Support in rebuilding trust with partners and with yourself
A path toward a sexual life that feels grounded, honest, and sustainable
You bring your story.
I bring my training in sex therapy and out of control sexual behavior.
Together we work on helping you feel more in control and less at war with your own sexuality.
Ready To Talk
Click on the “contact” button below or reach out to a specific provider. We are here to help.